First things first. It seems I may have missed the solstice by a day. Here's what to do. Go back and read all that shit about it from yesterday. Apply it to today. Forget you ever saw it before. Tell no one. 

Puddy bit me this morning.

I think I said before that she can be an asshole sometimes. 

 The last time she bit me I had to go to the doctor and get a shot in my ass. It was about 5 gallons or so of sulfuric acid. I went in with a badly hurting hand and came out with a badly hurting hand AND a badly hurting ass. I look forward to reliving that decidedly suckish event.  

I got my new recliner yesterday. My ass is very happy. (Secret of life. Keep your ass happy.)

I received an interesting email from Publisher's Clearing house this morning. It was a little bit creepy, how much they know about me. They <gasp> know where I live! I don't care though. If they bring me that shit ton of money the keep talking about, they can move in as far as I care.

It's 1:11 and I still have not put on my pants. It's not weird.

I would tell you to have a nice day but I don't really care what kind of day you have. It's none of my business. It's not my job to tell you what kind of day to have anyway.

Today's naughty words:

 Shit - two times

Ass - five times (including asshole)