Monday, December 21, 2015

Yay, it's the shortest day of the year. (if that ain't correct, don't say nothing. Let me enjoy my ignorance.) It is a weird day for me. It's usually dark again before I get my pants on.

The solstice night is special for me also, because it is the time that I turn into a huge horrible beast. A skunk actually. I prowl around until dawn stinking at people I find people out doing stuff that people do, you know, at night, outside, in the dark, and stink at them without mercy. Good times.

I don't like the word 'vomit'. Oh it is innocuous enough. Gets the job done I guess. But it just don't have the impact that 'puke' does. Puke grabs your sensibilities and proclaims " I just violently expelled the disgusting contents of your gullet, spraying the stinky gurry all over everything in reach!". "I just choked you on your gut wash, as it exploded from your mouth and nose." Yeah, puke is a good word. A powerful representation of a horrific bodily abomination. Oh, you can use 'barf, hurl, yack, gack, etc but they are kinda cutesy and benign. And anyone caught uttering "throw up or upchuck" should be shot in the forehead with a shit tipped flaming arrow. Oh and worse, If you are not a doctor and you say 'regurgitate, emesis, or aspiration should be banished from society and shunned forever. You are a pretentious asshole and nobody likes you.

Fun fact: The term 'puke' was first recorded in the "Seven Ages of Man" speech in Shakespeare's "As You Like It.". Now forget that fact immediately! I forbid anyone to learn anything from this blog! "Damn you knowledge!" <Shakes fist angrily>

I have a new recliner! I haven't picked it up yet, but when I do there will be rejoicing, shouting, tears of happiness and exuberant napping in all the land. May everyone be appropriately envious of my gloriously lazy ass.

 Today's naughty words were:  shit, asshole, damn and ass.  Make up a sentence using all of today's naughty words. Share it with the people you know who least like naughty words. It will be awesome.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go ahead. Say it. I dont care.