A few days ago I reported that I was going to update my blog semi regularly. Turns out it was a big old nasty ass lie. You should know me well enough to know that I update my blog whenever the hell I feel like it. That's just the way it works. Since I have no readers and no followers, I don't see where it makes a whole lot of difference anyway.

Speaking of life-changing epiphanies, (I was. Keep up.), I have discovered why when I stub my toes I completely lose my shit and start destroying random items within arm's reach. It appears that I have what I will call the 'piss off nerve' in my toes which connects directly to the 'tear random shit up' section of my brain. I know, eureka, right?  At some point I'll write up all this crap in one of those fancy medical journals and get my Nobel Prize and stuff. But for now you'll just have to take my word for it. Only awesomely unbelievably ridiculously brilliant people have this nerve. Obviously.  I strongly suspect that this same nerve also connects to the 'bump head', 'hit finger with hammer', and 'jam splinter in ass' sections of the body as well. More research is needed in these areas.

On a completely unrelated note, anyone who would like to take part in a research project involving having your head hit with various blunt objects, fingers hit with a hammer, and shards of wood jammed in your ass cheeks, let me know.

Naughty words:
Ass x3
Hell
Shit x2
Piss