Tis a sad day. Little Melvin, the happy little 20 year old Cactus has passed away. He was disposed of with a traditional Viking funeral. Little Melvin had a long and productive life. To his credit, he discovered four new sub atomic particles, 3 new elements, and caught a big carp. Little Melvin was working on a cure for monotony but he got bored. He is survived by Big Melvin, two brothers,  Kermit the dog, and Camo the cat. And 1 sister Pookie,  the guinea pig. Memorial  donations of more than $1,000 may be made to Melvin, who promises to use the money only for good. Anything less than $1,000 you can just keep you tight bastards.

Naughty word:
Bastards