OMG! there was a giant spider in front of my dryer this morning! It was about 34 inches wide and weighed prolly 10 pounds. It was a Melvin Eating Death Spider! I bravely waged war by emptying two cans of wasp spray on his ass from the doorway and was victorious. Side note: wasp spray has the odd effect of shrinking giant Melvin Eating Death Spiders down to about 1/4 of an inch when they are dead. Didn't read the label.
Naughty word: Ass