Monday, November 27, 2017

So I was sitting at home last night in my underwear practicing signing my autograph, (you know for the inevitable times when people will appear clamoring for it) when it occurred to me that I will also have to deal with groupies. Now these groupies will all be over 50 years old. (Probably) That's not necessarily a bad thing but I'll have to remember to slow down a bit when I pretend to get away so at least a few can catch up. The only exceptions will of course be Jennifer Lawrence and Taylor Swift, who are both besotted with me. Jennifer wants me for the sugar and Taylor is going to come and get me in her jet airplane and touch my butt and buy me a Maserati. (Yes it's going to be a tough choice.) I guess these problems are unavoidable when sharing your awesomeness with the world. When speaking of said awesomeness, I haven't decided exactly which of my many forms of awesomeness I intend to share. There are so many and any one of them will make people completely lose their shit when the awesomeness is demonstrated. [Note to self get some earplugs so you won't have your hearing damaged by the screaming hordes of admirers.] I shared these thoughts with the cat and he sat in the floor and closed his eyes and rubbed his little kitty cat forehead for about 15 minutes before he finally said "Melvin, if I had thumbs I would cut off my ear like Vincent van Gogh." I thought it a bit odd. I guess cats can't handle awesomeness. I didn't know that.

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Go ahead. Say it. I dont care.