The aliens came and got me again last night. They said "come on we're going on vacation" . I said "I don't have time to go on vacation right now." They answered "that's no problem. Time on planet Arkbarf is very different from that on Earth". As a matter of fact, time is relative to whatever Galaxy and Planet you may be on. Our scientists don't know that yet. 2 hours on planet Arkbarf is the same as two weeks on Earth. So I could go and have a two-week vacation and only be gone a couple of hours. The planet we went to was inhabited by sentient creatures with a high level of civilization. They were dogs. Just like our dogs here on Earth except they had thumbs and they spoke French. They were very nice and friendly although the whole butt sniffing protocol was a bit awkward. The place was beautiful. Kind of like a South Sea Island except for the fire hydrants and no parking signs everywhere. Strange, as they have no cars or fire departments. The food was gross and the water is toxic but the beer is very good and the liquor is drinkable. I survived on beer, bananas, and some green fruit like things that I didn't recognize. They tasted okay and I can only hope they were not carcinogenic or something. It turned out to be a very enjoyable and relaxing two weeks. I woke up this morning feeling great. There seems to be no lasting effects at all. The cats are acting strange though. They fall out laughing hysterically whenever I drag my ass across the floor. They never did that before.


Naughty word:
Ass