Those aliens. They think they're so funny. They started messing with me now that they can beam things around. Sometime while I was asleep last night they beamed up the cat and beamed down a full-grown penguin in his place. One of them big suckers. I didn't notice it until after I had gotten up and made some coffee, fed the guinea pig, and fed the cat. I sat back down in my chair and here comes this Penguin strutting by. I called the aliens up on the little alien communication thingy they gave me last Christmas and told them not to eat my cat and send him back down here. To beam this freaking penguin up, and while they're at it, beam the penguin shit up too. Well they sent the cat back but before they could lock on to the penguin, Camo started to chase it around the house. There they were, knocking everything over and breaking stuff. The aliens locking on to random crap and beaming it god knows where. Finally they got the dang penguin up but left the shit.
When those assholes pick me up to bar crawl around Andromeda later, ole Alejandro (the alien whose real name cannot be pronounced by a human) is going to be buying a whole bunch of whatever toxic, liver roasting swill available in whatever death hole bar we are in. I know some shit on him that he don't want his big assed second wife creature to find out about. Silly ass should know better by now. Been holding it over his head for years now over the last few weeks. I would never rat him out but he's not so sure about that. At any rate I'm going to mess with him. Teach him to screw around with my cat. By the way, does anybody know how to get penguin shit up out of the carpet?
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