Melvin's Warm and Fuzzy Christmas Message.
So I just got done watching the last 30 minutes or so of this Christmas movie that ended up something like this, "Oh Christmas is not just one day a year but Christmas is every day of our lives yada yada blah blah etc. Now I don't want to appear iconoclastic, but come on, Christmas every day? It's bad enough to be inundated with Christmas cheer and smothered to death with all this peace and goodwill to men horseshit for two full months out of every friggin year. Hell I can't go 15 minutes without wanting to putting my foot in somebody's ass. And what about all those snot-nosed sticky little crotch droppings (and by that, I of course mean adorable children), who are being lobotomized by thoughts of a fat burglar and his flying sled pulled by magic mooses and shit. Just think about how wonderfully insane they would turn out. "Be good and you can be one of Santa's little serial killers. Yay."
Okay it's no secret that I might be just a touch cynical when it comes to the holidays. (the Grinch said I was an asshole.)
And there is a very good chance that this insane tirade is fueled in part by my grudge against Santa Claus. He kicked my cat. Bastard. Yeah, I saw what you did you red faced little turd. I have a long memory Santa Claus. That's right I'm looking at you.
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Go ahead. Say it. I dont care.