I'm working on a new scientific discipline called Quantum Bullshit. The short version is this: When you look in the bathroom mirror, the light image has to travel from your body, to the mirror, then to your retina, up your optic nerve to be processed by the brain. This occurs before you 'see' yourself. So, the YOU that you SEE is actually a fraction in the past. That means you are always a bit ahead of yourself. This effect will be called the "Melvin Shithouse Mirror Effect". Named, of course, after yours truly. I aim to find the number of trips to the bathroom mirror before you don't have to shit.

Naughty words :

Bullshit
Shithouse
Shit