Saturday, April 27, 2019
Cleaning out the cat litter box is not usually the highlight of my day. Especially when someone has eaten something they should not have. This morning while I was dutifully digging in the Box of Treasures, I was startled to hear someone call my name. I looked around and saw nothing. Then I heard my name called again. I looked into the litter box and there was a little turd standing up on its end. It had a little face on it and was calling my name. After a few seconds of shock I replied, "Well hello Mr. Turd". "Hello Melvin" the little turd said. I asked "What can I do for you this morning Mr. Turd" "Well first of all" he said "you can call me Mr. Poopie. We really are not fond of the term, turd." "Well then" I said. "I didn't know that. But then I did not know Tu.. I mean, Poopies could talk" With a thoughtful look he said "I suppose not. I'm one of a couple of dozen talking Poopies ever to have existed" . I said with a tinge of sarcasm, "Well I don't know, but I think I may be honored. I mean, to have something as rare as a talking Poopie visit our humble catbox" He said "Thank you very much" I countered "You're welcome Mister Poopie" . He didn't know but I actually was enjoying saying the word poopie. Again I addressed Mr. Poopie and said "To what do I owe this great honor then". He said "It's not by accident Melvin. We have reason to believe that you just might be the 'Chosen One" . I was a little taken aback. I asked "Chosen for what?" Mr. Poopie answered me with grave seriousness in his voice. "The one chosen to solve the Great Problem." "Great Problem?" I asked. "Yes" he said. I continued "I'm sorry Mr. Poopie but I have no idea what you're talking about." He said "Really?" I said "Really". He moaned " Damn. It seems that I may have made a trip for nothing." I said "Yeah?" He explained, "If you were the chosen one, you would know" . I said "Okay, that's fair. And I do not know. At all. No clue." Mr. Poopie looked a little irritated and said to me in a rather snarky tone. "Well then, you are of no use at all". And with that Mr. Poopie disappeared under the litter and I didn't see him anymore. (I know, it's very strange to me too). I resumed the chore of digging the little poopies out of the cat box and it struck me. How very sad. To be told you are useless. By a turd.