Wow. It appears that I have been given an honor. Well maybe not a great honor but at least a dubious honor from my dear friends, the aliens from Prozac 4. It appears that they have arranged to have me bestowed with the rank of scrotaryan 1st class. Granted, it is equal to something close to janitor in our rank structure but still, it is official. Official due to a special dispensation from the grand Lexapro of Prozac 4. A very big deal. A very great honor. As far as anyone knows, I am the first non-Prozacian to ever hold a rank of any kind on this planet. Truly historic. I have no authority and no duties but I do get free drinks at any cantina. The drinks on planet Prozac 4 are absolutely horrible and slightly toxic but at least they're now free. Although he denies it, I suspect all this was arranged by my good friend Alejandro. (Not his real name of course but his real name is impossible for humans to pronounce). I also suspect that all of this was to butter me up because he thinks I can help him hook up with some Earth girls. As anyone can tell you, all aliens are convinced that Earth girls are easy. Yeah I know about the movie. Where the hell do you think it came from? Prozacians are absolutely besotted with Earth girls. Although I don't think any of them has ever managed to hook up with one, it remains the holy Grail of Prozacian fantasy naughtiness. Luckily for Earth girls, there is something in their fundamental ancient DNA that causes them to detect and reject Prozacian shit talking. I understand that the Prozacian officials have planned a large celebration in my honor. Not all that much of an honor since the Prozacians we'll have a celebration for anyting if it allows them to skip work and get drunk. There will be a huge event with a parade, Marookian acrobats, and everything. Marookian acrobats are really fascinating, due to their many appendages, some of which are naughty bits. Matookians can allegedly tell which ones are which but no one knows for sure. Anyway, it promises yo be awesome. I am not likely to remember much of it however, because Prozacian booze causes amnesia. Maybe somebody will take pictures.
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